Gunkel, N., Yano, T., Markussen, F. H., Olsen, L. C., & Ephrussi, A. (1998). Localization-dependent translation requires a functional interaction between the 5“ and 3” ends of oskar mRNA. Genes & Development, 12(11), 1652–1664.
Today I’d like to speak with you about a very rare type of sickness that infects a small number of unique papes. It is a very natural and beautiful type of sickness, but I want to stress that this particular breed of sickness brings up certain themes which may not be suitable for children.
When a grown-up is doing experiments, he or she often gets results that don’t seem to make sense at first. The specifics are usually extremely esoteric, and such inexplicable results can make an Adult Scientist feel downright lonely [editor’s note: but we are always with you].
You go crazy trying to figure out what you could have done wrong - you ask your lab-mates, you email around to various professors to see if they can figure it out, you ask the haggard 65-year old post-doc downstairs whose translucent yellow fingernails have grown so long and curled he can’t grip his 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew anymore - but no one can help you.
That is, until you stumble across the Holy Grail of Sick Papes: a pape which already solved your fucking problem for you and has since been sitting in a solid, non-show-off journal since 1998, just waiting to make you smile knowingly. Let this stand as a reminder to all you out there in the data game: if you do solid and honest work, it will always help others get truly nasty data in the future.
Its hard to express in words the respect I have for this type of pape. When you have stumbled across some unpredictable and hard-to-explain experimental result yourself and then you come to find that someone else already did a really hard, careful, patient set of experiments to figure out what’s happening? And back when those experiments were way harder than they are today? Its also a nice reminder that while a lot of jerkoffs want you to think that what’s important is the Impact Factor of a journal or your H-index, what actually makes a pape sick is the kickass-ness of its content, plain and simple.
In recent years, the Ephrussi lab was tragically infiltrated by a bullshit artist worse than Madoff. But, just as their science has always been awe-inspiring and timeless, they immediately dealt with this shit-head in a straightforward, honest, and open manner, and can now hold their heads high as an example of how to deal with a “lying fox in the chicken data house” as they say. Keep your hearts open everybody, and let love pour in!